Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Fancy's Pain

Fancy here has just about had it with the Nanny #2 replacement search. Yes sirree, I have.

What? Oh you thought we’d found one? Ha. That would have been too easy.

I’ll spare you the tragic details about why she didn’t score this awesome weekend post folding my super Fancy underwear and taking my darling Minis to the park. As desperate as I am, you know it had to be too big to overlook.

Anyhoo, the search has been both painful and enlightening. Turns out Fancy here has needs she didn’t know she had. Yes, it appears that I’m pickier than I’d thought. And with that in mind, I’ve complied a list of necessary Nanny traits that may be helpful to you, should you decide—through necessity or by choice—to bring a new Nanny home to your family.

May I present: Fancy’s Potential Nanny Requirements

  • 1.     No artists. One glance at the craft materials in the Minis’ closet and she’s practically foaming at the mouth. Fancy here suddenly has a vision of paint and sand dripping from the walls.  And Fancy hates sand.
  • 2.     No vegans. I already knew this one but it’s worth repeating. The Fancy Family eats meat. She might open the fridge and see and entire pig one day. She needs to be A-okay with that.
  • 3.     No “attachment parenting types.” Seriously? Seriously? Her livelihood actually depends on me being exactly the opposite of that. So counselling me on her beliefs about co-sleeping and “gentle discipline?” Not really what I’m looking for.
  • 4.     No models. This is one job where beauty does you no favours. H is too lazy. But God forbid one of his friends spotted her. It just wouldn’t be safe.
  • 5.     And finally and possibly most importantly. When dressing for an interview, she must pay close attention to certain rules. Let me be clear. The bow on her head must be smaller than the one on my daughter’s.

It’s a very important thing, you know, choosing a new Nanny. It’s not just about a clean CRB and a love of children. You’re asking someone to come into your home and become a major part of your and your children’s lives.

And for something this big, there’s just no excuse for a giant pink bow. 

Don't you agree?