Why I Need a Robot

Who said Nannies are allowed to get sick? Isn’t there a law against this?

Last Thursday evening Nanny #1 texted me with a warning that she might not be feeling well enough in the morning to come to work. I am not stupid. I knew that meant she wasn’t coming. Which normally would be fine, if I weren’t waiting for a piano delivery and for the storage company to bring out my Christmas decorations and take some more baby clothes away. I told H who said, “you better call someone else right now,” and looked at me like I was stupid. Actually, he didn’t just look, he said, “are you stupid?” But I just told you I’m not. So I called Babysitter #1, who said that Babysitter #2 could come at noon and stay until late. (Babysitter #2 works for #1. My house is sort of like a giant pyramid scheme.) Great. Friday solved.

However, just as I got the piano unpacked and the Christmas decorations up, my phone beeped again. Nanny #3 (The Weekends) was in bed. With some Eastern European throat malady. Babysitters #1 and #2 were working a major London social event the entire weekend. We were on our own. Wait, let me rephrase: I was on my own. I’m a Fancy Wife. A Fancy Husband hires people to help his wife, he doesn’t actually do it himself, but that’s another post for another day.

The rest of the weekend went by in a bit of a blur. I did brush my teeth. Once. I did 14 loads of laundry, some of which got put away. I learned how to clean the kitchen while holding 20 pounds of feverish, screaming infant. I went to the grocery store in sweats. In other words, I guess I was a normal person. By Sunday evening, I was in a state of tired that I’ve not experienced in a very long time. The house was clean, the laundry done, the children clean and fed. I even made a cioppino for dinner and dismantled both high chairs and scrubbed them til them gleamed. I can actually be industrious.

But just because I can, doesn’t mean I want to. I want a robot Nanny. One who doesn’t get sick. Ever.

And then my phone beeped again. Nanny #1 wants a day off to visit the family she was too sick to see over the weekend. Of course I said yes. It’s Christmas. But I said yes to tomorrow. Today I am having a shower. Robot Nannies don’t have family either, do they?