Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Fancy Phone Lines

Hello from London! I've been back from what I know call, "The Most Civilized Place On Earth," for a week but I'm only now catching my breath. Whew. That was a whirlwind. The Fancies slept in 4-hour blocks, ate, drank, and slept some more. The beauty of our plan was that by never fully changing time zones, we hit the ground running back home.

Which was good. Because the Minis apparently went around telling every single play group, music class, swim teacher and art instructor that Mommy had run off to Tokyo. Without them.

Thanks girls. You make me look so good.

Anyhoo, it was a fantastic trip. Except for the one email I received letting us know that some very old and dear friends are splitting up. Sort of like a "Dear John" for the 3rd parties. Ugh.

Which meant H and I spent that evening discussing the frailty of marriage. In between mouthfuls of raw fish and gulps of sake. And right before dashing back to our Fancy hotel room to prove we still got it.

Have you ever seen Japanese porn? It's weird. Even to Fancy folk. Wearing $800 boots. 

Anyhoo. I digress. The point is, we both felt a deep gratitude that our Fancy marriage, while not perfect, is pretty okay. At least we both agree that divorce would be highly annoying. So we've every intention to stick it out. The two of us. And Fancy Therapist.

Because even Fancy Couples have to work at marriage. It's a living, breathing creature that has to be nurtured and looked after.

Which is a point I reminded British Telecom of this week. The ringing phone interrupted my work.

"Hello, Frau Fancy? This is BT calling. Unsolicited, yes, but we just want to see if you are happy with your current phone carrier. We know you used to have a BT account and want to discuss The Fancies returning to our warm embrace."

"Whoa, hold on there, stop right there," I interrupted. "Over my cold dead body will we go back to BT. Sorry to be blunt, but you people nearly ended my marriage. I mean seriously, our relationship devolved into mutual blame, screaming and general unhappiness. Until we got our own representative in the Chairman's office to sort you people and your disaster of a service out for us. So no, there is no way you will suck me back in. Save your breath." I said it as nicely as I could, but still. I needed to be firm.

And do you know what? The man on the other end also respects the sanctity of marriage. He actually began to laugh.

"Well, Frau, then I'm just going to stop. On behalf of BT, I'd like to apologize for any difficulties you may have had. And personally, I'm going to tell you that I want no part in destroying your home. After all, you sound like a very happy person now."

"Well, yes, I am. My relationships with both my husband and my current phone provider are solid and I've no intention of jeopardizing either."

And then, to my disbelief, the nice man on the other end wished me a good day and disconnected the line.

Amazing. I wish everyone agreed that a strong marriage is nothing to fiddle around with. He's probably not going to last long at that company. Different philosophies and all.


  1. Hang on, so you not only got him to draw breath for long enough so that you could speak but you actually got him to deviate from ........ 'The Script'????

    You are truly awesome!

  2. Divorce is definitely more annoying than marriage. Not much more annoying, but, you know, just enough to stay married. well, that's just my opinion!

  3. Frau Fancy count yourself lucky that you have a choice in phone carriers. Here in the middle of no where Australia, we have only one provider and he/she is abusive at best. It's a very unstable realationship and I would love to divorce my phone carrier, but alas it would be terribly annoying.

  4. I feel for you, I really do. It's worse than having no choice in husbands, this no choice in phone providers. hang in there. x

  5. I know. It was like my own private miracle!

  6. We have limited choice in husbands here too. If you have ever watched "The Farmer Wants a Wife" you'd understand why. I was lucky.

  7. Are you sure you didn't mention the Japanese porn bit to the poor guy and he was just trying to get off the line as quickly as possible?

  8. um, you are right. I do have censorship issues....will replay that now.