Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Fancy Goes Blinds



Fancy here apologizes for her recent silence. There has been a lot going on here at the Fancy home and even with 2 Nannies, a Fancy PA and Amazon, I’ve spent much of the last couple alternating between tears and tears of laughter. Sort of like a deranged mental patient. It’s been so crazy that I called a time out today and spent 4 hours at the spa getting rubbed and scrubbed and oiled and pounded. I feel well enough to speak now.

So what was it that finally threw me over the edge? Curtains. It all comes down to curtains. We've been doing a bit of home decorating. The floorboard skirting, the electrical wiring, the micromanaging, well, that can all be handled with a combination of Fancy authority and booze. But curtains? I’ve come to a new understand.

Curtains versus blinds. That’s always the question, isn’t it? And I now firmly believe that the affinity for one over the other is burned into our souls. It’s like Coke v Pepsi. Crest v Colgate. The colour orange v anything else. You feel one way or the other. No discussion.

And Fancy here is a Blinds person. Hands down.

But I’m also easily persuaded, especially when it comes to things like decorating. I mean, come on, I hired a woman to lay my clothes out before dinner. What makes you think I know the first thing about accent rugs? And they promised me it would be wonderful, that it was the only way to go, that I would be thrilled.

Thrilled they said.

So for the last couple months I’ve been envisioning walking into the living room and seeing light, airy, billowing curtains, practically smelling the sea air. Like walking into a suite at the Delano in South Beach. Every time I go into a room there, all white and light and fresh, I half expect to see God, or at least Morgan Freeman, sitting there waiting for me.

The curtains arrived yesterday.

I did not see God.

“Um, I’m sorry to have to say this, but they need to go. In fact the only workable solution is that they leave no later than tomorrow. I would rather the neighbours watch me cook dinner naked than spend one more minute in this room,” I said as politely as I could the minute our Fancy Designer picked up the line.
 
You think I’m exaggerating. I thought white. They were yellow. I thought modern. They looked like something my Grandma had. I thought sleek, they were practically touching me from across the room. My house looked like the Sound of Fucking Music in reverse. 

Then I called H. Told him to spend the night in a hotel. That under no circumstances was he to come home before this unmitigated home d├ęcor disaster had been resolved. He was confused, but seriously, it would be better this way. His heart is already under so much strain.

So today the windows are once again bare. I’m sitting naked in my living room, typing and waving at the neighbours. But at least I don’t have to worry about the curtain monsters eating me. Shudder.

Anyhoo, I'll keep you posted. At least I look well rested, sitting here waving at Central London.


p.s. there is now an email link! Because you ask and Fancy delivers. 

22 comments:

  1. I know zero about home decor and that's why my window coverings are hanging on with a wing and a prayer. I wish I had some wise words for you my friend but I got ... nothing.

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  2. Always blinds well, unless it's raw silk pooling on the floor or light and airy voile or, actually if even Fancy Designer can't get it right then what do I know. ( I wouldn't have given you yellow though if there's a job going ......)

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  3. The curtains/blinds dilemma plauges me as well. Blinds are so much more practical but curtains are so much prettier... I ususally end up going with both, over acheiever that I am.

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  4. Both! We are a house of vaguely minimalist design and blinds suit that look so much better than curtains. But curtains frame our two sets of french doors much better than blinds. The best of both worlds!

    Naked fanciness, and why not!

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  5. I sort of assumed as much. We're peas in a pod, eh? x

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  6. Okay, we agree, yellow is a no? Stick around...

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  7. Agree, to an extent. With regards to curtains being prettier. You didn't see these creatures...

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  8. One word for you fancy....Shutters.

    I would seriously make love to mine if I could and believe me I have thought about it.

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  9. I can now imagine Fancy Designer's children wearing yellow "play clothes" hand sewn by Maria...

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  10. Sounds like it's curtains for your curtains. I'm a blinds person myself and I'm actually (slowly) making my own at the moment. That's not very fancy though is it? I should be having some interior designer doing them properly for me. One of my friends did Jerry Hall's curtains, shall I ask her to call you? ; )

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  11. We have shutters in some rooms that I really like, and roman shades or blinds in others. My husband has pushed for curtains but they feel too big a commitment for me. I tend to think of them as an overstated look and have yet to find any I'd be comfortable with for any significant duration. And yellow, is just wrong. Sorry.

    But, on a better note - oh happy day re: the email!

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  12. your wish, my command! Thank you for saying yellow is not okay. Not in a beige and blue and brown room. I was risking becoming a Ked shoe...

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  13. well, now it all comes down to personal taste and judging on her taste in men...:-) but I'l shout if I need her!

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  14. Actually, come to think of it, Fancy PA has a seamstress background...

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  15. Oh, but really? Shutters? Did you know we have no windows on 3 sides of our house. It might look like we are vampires...

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  16. Oh Fancy!!!

    How I've missed your honesty and billowy breath of fresh air! I too have been gone and off the grid and not blogging but am now back. But I cannot say a curtain issue is haunting me as of late. NO, while you fancy up your awesome London lux lounge I stare at horrible IKEA blinds that cover my windows but not my pain. Think college dorm meets depression meets 1998 and you have my designer theme I was going for. I hope the curtain fiasco gets straightened out and I hope you keep giving me tidbits to chew on and fantasies to fantasize about.

    Your fan!


    Dotty

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  17. Curtains Boo! They just attract the blond dog hair, blinds rock.

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  18. Hi Dotty! Summers over for us, eh? Back to the bloggie grind we go. And I like IKEA. There's some here in my house. I like to mix it up...:-) x

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  19. Spa envy chez porridge. I need your life.

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  20. Blinds rock. Like Steve Wonder...

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  21. Mother! My curtains could have killed you! Seriously, be glad I was there in your place!

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