Monday, 4 July 2011

Fancy Explains



You know that the last couple weeks at the Fancy Home have been dominated by the search for clothes for H. When Fancy PA and I were just at the point of tearing out our eyeballs in grief (me) and frustration (her), we hit my closet. And after a proper gutting, I hit the Net-a-Porter website with the ferocity of, well, H attacking a properly cooked sirloin or the Minis left alone with a bowl of M&Ms. It was carnal.

And then I re-read that post and thought, “Oh God, Fancy. You sound like a brainless doof. There are people who struggle to pay their mortgage and here you are going on and on about all your designer clothes and your shopping sprees. And in the face of your husband who can barely squeeze himself into anything off the rack. You, my darling Fancy Pants, sound like an arrogant ass.”

Fortunately some of you still left lovely comments. Although you might still have been thinking, “God, she’s an arrogant ass.” So if you could allow me, I’d like to explain.

See, Fancy here is a Former Fat Person.

Yes, it’s true.

No, I was never confined to my bed with emergency services visiting to see which wall they’d remove from my home in the event of a house fire, but I was a bit chubby. Actually, looking back on it, living in NYC, it’s kind of shocking that I found a boyfriend while my waif-like friends continued to moan about their eternally single selves. Then again, the fact that I could go out to dinner and actually enjoy my meal might have been really refreshing for H. But then some comments were made by some people, which sent me wailing into Fancy Therapist’s office. And here’s what he had to say:

“Well, you are overweight. That’s not a lie. She was just stating fact. Yes, she’s a bitch. But you are not thin. Don’t kid yourself.”

And Fancy stopped eating. Once I actually wept openly over my chicken breast and salad while H had dessert in a restaurant. Losing weight sucks. You actually have to eat less. For weeks on end. Seriously. I’m not making this up.

By the way, working out was never the issue for me. I did 2 triathalons and a marathon wearing size L kit. But yes, it does help and I am a gym bunny to this day.

Of course then came the IVF and the shots and the failures and the heart ache and my weight went flying up, down and sideways. But once the Minis came, I found my groove again. And living on a diet of vegetables and booze, I have finally--and only recently-- once again found a happy place where the occasional steak still lives but also where I’m the as thin as I was in high school.

I will stop here and say, yes, I understand those of you who saw me at CyberMummy are thinking, “wait she’s not thin.” No I’m normal. American size 8-10. 5’9” Just inside the Fancy Wife Description. Just.

So back to my shopping spree. Fancy here can remember buying clothes simply because they were large enough. I didn’t always have choices. That is why H’s struggle is so incredibly painful for me to watch. I know what that feels like. Of course the flip side is that it is also painful to watch him battle his love of food. Because it’s not easy saying, “No,” but I seem to somehow manage to do it.

And the result is that I can actually pull on a pair of designer trousers and they fit. Nearly every item I pulled on I started to take off, saying, “Oh, too small,” only to have Fancy PA correct me. “You are that size. Any bigger is too big.” It felt awesome. And now I actually have some clothes that fit me. The closet gutting was very necessary.

Not sure if that explains it all, but I thought I should say something. Lest you were thinking, “Fancy’s kind of a jerk.” Unless you were already thinking that.

In which case, I got nothing. Hmm. 

23 comments:

  1. I didn't think that at all, but it's interesting to have the background to your story too. As someone who also struggled with being overweight for a few years in my teens, I know and feel the pain of not being able to find clothes that fit, and that is enough incentive for me to say NO! to the second helping!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well thanks Diney! Makes me happy to know you weren't sitting around poking pins into your Fancy Voodoo Doll. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Actually, I wasn't thinking anything of the sort! I was thinking, geez, Fancy's a funny chick. I hope H finds some pants he is happy with. And I'd give my left arm to go shopping with Fancy (and Fancy's credit cards...) That's what I was thinking. If I thought you were a jerk, I wouldn't comment. Or something passive aggressive like that!!!!! Don't worry, your Fancyness. I think you're awesome - moneyed, thin, or otherwise xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you Salamander! But I could never let you lose a limb...x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I always love your posts! You always strike just the right note!And I'm right with you on filling up the wardrobe after paring down...think that's part of the essential human dilmena, not to get too Proust on the Prada... I really appreciate your honesty always!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't think anyone would think Fancy is a jerk. There may be just the tiniest bit of credit card envy now and then but mostly you just brighten my day.x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Am really loving your blog - although at times, God help me, I have thought "I am so jealous of this woman's life...and her f*cking ability to relay it all with such irony and humour...that I will NOT leave a comment - there, that'll teach her" This post touched a nerve tho. I, too, am 5ft 9" and on average an American size 8...but as I child/teenager/20-something I was a little more 'solid'. A more hefty version of my good self. A chubby amazonian, perhaps. So I get the whole wardrobe/clothes thing. I still don't see myself as anything resembling slim - tho I have closets full of clothes with numbers on them that assure me I must be. Keep on buying Fancy. After all, the economy needs you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oh and to think: you taught me nothing until now! Hi! And I know what you mean. That was my form of chubby. "you carry it so well, you're so tall..." Hi!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Weekend you brighten my day too. Thanks! xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. I have never once thought you were an arrogant ass. I love reading your blog and all your stories make me laugh. I think that is the beauty of blogs - reading and connecting with people whose life is different to yours.

    As for shopping - given the economy at present, if you have the money it is your duty to spend!!!!

    I think everyone has insecurities over their size and shape - I was a chubby teenager but have been on the slim side since I was about 17. Sometimes though, I am still surprised when I look at a photo of myself and realise that I am not chubby now (and haven't been for twenty years-excluding when I was pregnant and looked like a puffer fish).

    Take care Fancy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. For what it's worth, I've never thought you arrogant or a jerk (because of money, lifestyle, or anything else). I find your blog refreshing, honest and funny. And you sound like someone who is keepin' it real. Don't apologise!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jerk no! Envy maybe! or go on then yes! Hope hubby gets sorted with some nice things soon

    ReplyDelete
  13. NEVER apologise for being Fancy. It's why we come here. Keep writing it Fancy Pants. I am enjoying the shopping vicariously via you.

    MD x

    ReplyDelete
  14. That's funny...... whodathought 'less eating' and I'd lose weight though not sure I agree with that premise; I ate my body weight in strawberries yesterday and I still lost a 1lb. Yay. Mind you, I'm blogging from the loo (sorry too much info?)

    I'm more concavely-challenged myself, decreasing by the day.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ah Fancy is thinner then Mrs. Tuna.......she wears a size 12 but is a tiny bit taller. If I were only evenly fat it wouldn't be too bad, but its all around my middle, thus explaining my muffin top.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Um, yes too much info. But strawberries are sort of negative calories. You
    have to pick and then wash them, discard the stems, run to the toilet, and
    so on. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ah Mrs. Tuna,
    not by much. And my fat prefers global distribution so I bet my shirts would
    be gianormous!
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hmm, hmmm, this blog is called richasshole isn't it? We love you cause you strive to be an asshole, have all the cards in place to be an asshole and yet fail miserably at being an asshole cause you're so nice.

    ReplyDelete
  19. You said all the right things. :-) x

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ok, I'm going to admit that at first I was thinking, "Wow, I can't even pay rent... what a fancy ass hole." But then I kept reading and said Fancy's a funny chick. ;) Which is why I am now following your blog, and thoroughly enjoying it. Keep up with your style; it's pretty awesome to find your niche, and you certainly have.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thank you! You've got it exactly. x

    ReplyDelete
  22. I eat nothing but vegetables and it sucks. I don't do this for dieting purposes but rather because I have a crappy liver and apparently I need to get it back on track.

    No judgment here my friend...just admiration.

    ReplyDelete