Monday, 25 July 2011

Fancy Goes Native

“No. I am putting my foot down. Absolutely not. I won’t allow it.”

That was Nanny #1 3 days ago. See, when you are forced to fly Cheap Ass Air and the price includes losing your kid’s shoes during the harried rush through security (because arriving at the airport 2 hours early still means you will barely make your flight given their high level of efficiency and generally caring attitude) it means Fancy here found herself driving out of the airport and on the search for a store that would sell freakishly small shoes for The Princess’s itty little tootsies.

I landed at the German-speaking equivalent of Walmart. Kaufland. Actually what’s worse than Walmart? Walmart really isn’t that bad. I kind of like Walmart. It’s no Target, but still. Anyhoo, I digress. Imagine a tragic Walmart. That’s where we landed.

“But they are the smallest pair I can find!” I pleaded with Nanny #1. “C’mon, they aren’t that bad,” I pined, holding out a very scruffy pair of what can only be described as mental institution slippers for toddlers.

“No! No. Don’t make me get physical. I’m not joking,” she replied, absolutely straight faced.

I was actually a little scared.

“Okay, then,” I said, wandering to the other end of the aisle. “Here, these are the smallest real shoes I can find. And they are pink! These will work, right?” I asked hopefully.

“Hmmm. They are very chav-ey (is that a word?) but not horrible,” she conceded.

“I know!” I cried. “They are so bad they are good again! Totally pikey! I love it.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” she snorted. “But when we get back home maybe we can sneak into one of the Estate playgrounds and no one will notice.”

“Ooh awesome idea! There is one near our house and it is so nice! I love taking the girls there. I’m buying TC a pair too!” I screamed with joy, pulling a purple set off the racks.

Nanny #1 just rolled her eyes at me as I threw them into the cart, along with 3 pairs of socks, a bag of M&Ms, a container of melon, 3 packs of glitter stickers, bikini wax (ran out of time before we left) and some contact lens solution. (Really not a bad shoppe choice now that I think about it.)

And that’s how our vacation is going so far. The Minis are “living local.” I think it looks cool. I especially like how the word “Sports” is written across the side of them in big white letters. So bad, they are good again. Kind of wish they came in my size…


  1. I'm sure they will be leading the new fashion craze when you return. x

  2. Oh Fancy you boganised your children.

    Won't someone think of the poor children.

  3. Kaufland is really something else, isn't it. These shoes sound excellent.
    (Also,pointless sidebar since it popped up again - the word pikey...My friend has gypsy/traveller kids in her class and that word is a no-no, cause of the connotations. I had no idea to be honest.)

  4. I think it's okay to make your daughters wear ugly shoes. When they look back on the pictures they will just think it was in style back then. All the shoes I wore as a kid were disgusting but they were considered cute at the time. Remember "jellies?"

  5. Umm, jellies were, and still are, awesome. I have at least 2 pairs.

  6. Okay now help me. Is there a connotation other than chavey? These are both new words to an American so I flounder, unsure if they are really bad, taking notes to stick in my fanny pack, um, I mean, bum bag...

  7. alas, those children are delighted with these shoes. Delighted.

  8. Look, I'm trying to stay anon here...

  9. Let the kids suffer I say - they do it to us so fair play!

  10. They sound like the own brand Tesco trainers my best friend used to wear when we went running. "I resent spending money on ugly shoes", she said. "Why can't we just jog in heels?".

    Yep. The running didn't last.

    Enjoy the rest of your trip - you've gotta love foreign supermarkets. Their sweets are so much better.

  11. I still can't believe security lost the shoes! But then again, you never would have found the treasures that you did. And the M&Ms. Man, I really could go for some now...
    Enjoy the vacation!

  12. So pleased you're blogging from your holiday! I thought we'd have to wait ages for an update. Have fun!

  13. I flew Cheap Ass Air back from NYC. It sucked. I miss flying business class...damn these airlines!!

    PS - I'm stealing Cheap Ass Air for a future post. I hope you don't mind.