Thursday, 4 August 2011

Fancy History


I know, I know. The 7 seats will be explained soon enough. Actually it's not that hard. In fact, I'll just do it now.

Me
Nanny
H (unused ticket)
The Princess (Infant)
The Princess (Child)
Tough Cookie (Infant)
Tough Cookie (Child)

Yes, that's correct. Cheap Ass Air policy requires all children who have not yet turned 2 to sit on their mother's lap. Any other Real Airline would allow you the option of purchasing a seat for an infant or young toddler for either safety (approved airline seat) or comfort. But no. Cheap Ass has a general policy on customer comfort: no. If it might make your ride more enjoyable then absolutely not.

But Fancy here went all ape-shit on their ass when I discovered this little nugget, moments before leaving the Fancy home for the Airport Hotel, where we were forced to stay because trains don't run at UnGodly Hour. Which added another couple hundred quid to the exercise. Anyhoo, I digress. Ape-shit. There was screaming. And they graciously allowed me to keep the child seats I'd purchased, of course losing all luggage I'd paid for, and then also buy space for them on my lap. So I could check them in.

See, it makes perfect sense.

And this is one of the many joys of parenting. Learning that the world doesn't really love your kids as much as you do. I think the general public would prefer that small children were kept hidden away, never let into planes or restaurants, fed only self-cleaning astronaut food, bowels routinely cleansed so as to de-smell all nappies, you get the gist.

But I love my kids. For toddlers, they are some pretty well-behaved children. And I want them to see the world, try new things, see new places. So out we go.

I know every mother looks at her children and thinks that they are the most miraculous little critters ever. Of course, mine really are, but I have another excuse for walking around with my Fancy head in a cloud of Fancy Mother Love: The Minis didn't come to us easily. Stop, I know every child is a blessing and every mother loves her offspring to pieces. But sometimes when I look at them, I feel like there must be a catch. Because how these two got to me is really a miracle.

Anyhoo, that was a pretty long opening to what I wanted to say. Part of my Fancy Infertility story can be found In The Powder Room today. Just a bit of it. The part that came on IVF round #30gazillion. After years of tears and heartache. After H declared himself an expert on semen collection rooms. After Fancy here learned to shoot herself with hormones undetected while sitting at a sushi bar shoveling in an omikase. But only if you are curious.

28 comments:

  1. i haven't heard the term 'ape shit' for years - made me feel all nostalgic.
    am off to read yor piece now.... x

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  2. Hi, I'm back, laughing, from the Powder Room, I know I'm being extremely nosy but how did the other mini come about?
    Also, I'm thinking that between the hotel, the extra seats and the wine that must have made this whole thing bearable you probably could have flown Fancy Airlines and made it even. just a thought.

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  3. I love your Powder Room article, and the last sentence made me smile. It must have been a tough time for you, but with the very best outcome!

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  4. Um, last point first, yes, I've explained that. I'll actually be doing a cost calculation soon for you.
    And didn't you know that Fancy here is the world's biggest fan of adoption? Because of the other Mini. I mean we love them both, but wow is adoption is awesome. :-)

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  5. Thank you for saying that! I try to be funny about it but it was really very unfunny at the time.

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  6. What? I am talking all retro now!? Geez. Gag me with a spoon! I mean that's so sick! I mean I mean. Um I will stop now.

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  7. We had a few years of infertility too, I remember the tears and heartache, and I didn't go through anything like what you guys endured. I'm so happy you got the mini's though. xx

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  8. Thank you Emma. So many of us have been there, it sort of makes our own club, eh? Like, the "what do you mean you never shot progesterone into your ass" club! x

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  9. Im so glad you have your minis. I'm in your fertility gang, hurray! Actually, at the time, absolutely not hurray. Absolutely f-ing bloody awful heartbreaking. Im going to try and defy the witch that is mother nature and have a 3rd though. In your face mother nature!!

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  10. Stick your palm right up there in her grill, girl!!!

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  11. Well now I know why you're such an expert on the progesterone shots. By the way, I've been keeping mine in my bra before injecting and it has helped a lot so thanks for the advice. So happy to hear that you were able to build your family, even if you had to do it the hard way.

    I guess we both missed the lesson on how to drink too much, have sex, and accidentally get pregnant.

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  12. I'm thrilled to bits if I could make this any easier for you at all! My fingers, toes and lady bits are crossed for you. xx

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  13. oh, and yeah, I just sort of missed that whole "young and loose" phase. My bad.

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  14. I just read the Justin the Christian story in the powder room and it was so funny I couldn't even handle it...at all. *wiggle twitch*

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  15. oh good heavens, reminded me of a few of my own dates. You watch out there young lady.

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  16. oooh ha ha, it was linked in your article so I assumed you wrote it. Yes, I have already written about my bad dates, it's incredible what can happen, men make such funny pets... but i am quite careful

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  17. Fancy, I love you and your stories. I can just imagine you screaming at the airline people, and I love you for that too. I love how much you love the Minis. They feel the same way, I'm sure. After all, you ARE the Fancy Mama! And I love how your comments have sustained me over the last week or so. You have no idea how much it has helped xxxx

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  18. it all makes sense now! the 7 seats i mean. ridiculous though, i probably wouldn't have done it but then i'd have been punishing only myself i suppose...sigh...

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  19. That's incredible they made you have the kids on your lap. When I think about our plane stories it just makes me want to take a nap. For years we did the 28 hour flight from London to New Zealand. (Always cheapo class) After that Everest seemed trifling...

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  20. WTH airline is that? Do you not have many options where you are? I am in Massachusetts and my mother lives in Buffalo, NY, and even to fly there I have two direct-flight options. And I find it totally bizarre that it's a requirement of Cheap-Ass that you hold your baby on your lap. Airlines here prefer (or insist!) your baby is in an airline-approved car seat, strapped into the plane's seat. The theory is if the plane hits turbulence the kid is safer strapped in. I'm dying to know the real name of Cheap Ass so I can avoid it at all costs!

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  21. Stupid airlines, perhaps they would be happy to bounce the minis on their knees while killing time stuck on the runway.

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  22. Oh, there are only 2 European Cheap Ass Airlines controlling all the London airports, so your guess is 50:50. Although not sure why I'm protecting them...the airlines here don't allow the car seat option. You are generally always given a lap belt. On some airlines you can purchase a seat and the plane has its own seat for the toddler, but actual babies must be held during take/off landing and then you might get a bassinette. It's painful on either side. And we have options, which I will in the future be exercising...sigh.

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  23. wow Sal, thank you for those lovely words. I'm always worried people can't see through the Fancy bit but you can. xxx

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  24. Eek...I have booked a separate seat for my not quite 2 year old on Saturday...maybe I need to call! Will check out In the Powder Room too, I'm glad you got your Minis x

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  25. oh yes, if you are flying CAA, you must call quickly! Good luck! and thanks x

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  26. Airlines and their lap policy hacks me off - however cheap airlines and their seat yourself policy, means no one want to sit with the child thus we get 3 seats! Yay for us! Then I flew Ryan Air, it put me off flying ever again. One day I will explain Ryan Air to you.
    It's the UK for us now! which leads me nicely to your post about London Zoo and crap weather - well you can't have it all. can you?

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  27. Oh and another thing.... Read a great article in Vogue once about travelling with children. The author of the article shared how she and her partner flew business and the children flew economy with the Nanny - is that not a top tip? From Business you can't hear them scream....

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