Is it just me or does everyone need a vacation after a vacation, and especially after the Holidays? Jeesh I am exhausted. Yes, even people who take their Nanny on holiday can find travelling with children to be at least mildly tiring. Then again, part of the problem might be that I have difficulty delegating. This is part of what my Fancy Therapist calls, “not managing my help appropriately.” In other words, Nanny #1 had a fabulous trip on the Continent. She babysat 5 (of 9!) evenings and took the girls on 2 afternoons while we were sightseeing. Mrs. Fancy slept on the floor, went through entire restaurant meals without taking a bite and found herself wearing a brand new £100 white t-shirt now decorated in tiny greasy handprints.
Why do I do this to myself? Why, oh why, did everyone on this trip take at least 1 nap a day while I gathered groceries and straightened up toys? I’m sure I know at least a few of these answers. So in the spirit of the New Year, I’m going to confess my reasons for an absence of self-preservation on holiday and open myself to suggestions about how I can make 2011 different. We can call it: let’s allow our employees to make our lives easier, not the other way around!
- · I am the consummate host. I love to throw a party and make people happy and well cared for. Even if this means I have one bite of toast all day and don’t shave my legs.
- · I cannot, as I said, effectively delegate. Partly because if I don’t do it myself, it doesn’t get done correctly. (Seriously Nannies! Can you not tell the difference between pajamas and play clothes? It isn’t helping me to fold the laundry and put it away if I have to spend 15 minutes rearranging their dresser!)
- · I bite off more than I can chew. Should I really be trying to manage the house, supervise the help, manage the girls, continue to pretend I have a career, and coddle H and plan a 10-day holiday in Italy for 4 more families in addition to my own? Um probably not.
- · And finally: I love a martyr. I love to feel like I did more than anyone and I did it better than they ever could. And the more exhausted I am at the end, the bigger and greater I feel. I’m quite sure this started early in elementary school whenever we had a group project, which turned into my project, which generally garnered endless praise from the teacher. But Jesus, this ain’t healthy.
So that’s my confession. I am going to spend the rest of the day thinking about how to make this year different. While trying to not drink too many sodas.
Yesterday’s tally: 2 diet Cokes. My teeth feel better already.
I'm just the same. Despite my partner not being in work and being a real night owl why oh why was I the one doing all the night wakings for NINE MONTHS after Bub was born. AND all the early morning starts. Breastfeeding was a factor certainly but the main reasons were my complete inability to delegate, my huge control freak tendencies, and my masochistic martyred side. Going back to work in a few days though when he will be stepping up to the plate as the main childcarer. Well that's the plan anyway. Hope I can let it happen that way!
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to know that I'm not the only one like this though. Imagine if I'd had a nanny it would probably have been exactly the same.
Hey you, Tagged you over here - http://www.notestoselfplustwo.com/2011/01/i-%E2%99%A5-me-new-weekly-mclinky-blog-thing.html
ReplyDeleteAhhhh, blogger ate my comment!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the Alpha Male often says to me "Get down off your bloody cross, we need the wood for the log burner" so I pass that nugget of sarcasm along from one martyr to another.
I was probably at my worst during our expat years with the live in Filipino maid (something about justifying my existence apparently) so you are in good company. Just try saying no &/or walking away sometimes. It's a tough situation which few feel sympathy for, though with your fancy crowd of friends I bet you don't have to play "count the eye rolls" every time you gripe about the help!
If you figure a way not to be the martyr yet still be the wife, mother, friend, host & employer you aspire to be, please do pass along the secret!
MD xxx