Monday, 13 June 2011

Fancy Beliefs

Belief: the psychological state in which an individual holds a proposition or premise to be true.

“I really think he was upset. I mean, I think he feels left out,” I recently said to Fancy Therapist.

The Fancies have a problem. Back before The Minis, we could book all our travel last minute because we had the freedom and flexibility to do so. And that was good, because H’s schedule changes moment to moment and “holidays” are subject to last minute cancellations. Of course, this means that Fancy here has been forced to exercise some true last minute feats of organization and packing:

“Oh? Really? We are going to South America this week? Oh? Tomorrow? Okay. No problem.” 

But with toddlers, that doesn’t so much work anymore. If they are staying behind, the Nanny rota with back up needs to be cemented. If they come along, well, you know what kind of planning that requires. Especially if you are bringing a Nanny.

So FT and I had decided that rather than get upset, I just make our plans. If H can join us, that’s fabulous. If he can’t, or can only make part of the trip, well then that’s just one of the stinky parts of his job.

We’re going away this summer for a week. A little resort time, a little Grandma and Grandpa time. I bought our plane tickets a few weeks ago. And by “our” I mean me, the Minis and Nanny #1. I assumed H would just figure out some meeting that would get him close to us on either end and we could join up somewhere on the Continent.

And then last week he saw our itinerary.

“Wait! Where’s my ticket? Why isn’t my name on here? Didn’t you book me on your flight?”

“Well, frankly, no. I just assumed you’d meet us there. Or you could take our flight if it worked out. If there were still seats. I mean, we’ve done this before. And how many times have you cancelled on me? So Nanny #1 and I are going together and you can make your plans last minute. As you always do,” I said, confused as to why I was stating the obvious.

“But, but, wait, but I want a ticket too. I want to be on your flight. I mean, it’s a cheap enough ticket. I can always not use it. But I at least want the option…” he whined, looking at me with big sad eyes.

Fancy Therapist and I talked it over. “He is left out. That’s the nature of his job. He’s sold his soul to the devil and the price is that he’s not available—or even included-- to his family when he wants to be. It’s really quite sad,” FT said, twisting his pen in deep thought. “But maybe the solution is to buy him the ticket. Just always book him on your flights. You know he’ll cancel. He knows he’ll cancel. I know he’ll cancel. But it will give him the illusion of family intimacy. He won’t feel so left out. This could be really good for you guys,” he concluded.

So I bought him the ticket. Do I think he’ll use it? No. But it’s what we now do. The “illusion of intimacy” is what we’re calling it. Just believe...


  1. I like illusion, so much more comforting than harsh reality.

    Or, as I think the White Queen said in Alice in Wonderland: Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

  2. Funny how they can be so sensitive about some things. But if you had just booked him a ticket he probably would have asked why you bothered since he would probably have to meet you guys there.

    Really, there's no way to win with this one.

  3. I like illusions (and their cousin, Del); they've gotten me this far so they can't be all bad.

  4. It's not a bad thing--there's all kinds of games husbands and wives play whilst being fully aware that it's a game or an illusion. We frequently do the one where I suggest something, he says its a terrible idea, then later when he suggests it and I look at him as if to say 'isn't that what I said earlier?' but I don't actually *say* that and I do say 'thats a great idea!' and he smiles, pleased with himself. We both know it was my idea but that he needed to come up with it. Like H needs the ticket to feel in the family loop.

    Enjoy the family holiday in whatever form it takes! :)

  5. I agree with Michelloui - I think we all do and say things to keep the peace at times.

    Take care.

  6. hmmm. I'm going to show this to my husband and say "see, see, some husbands want to travel with their families and not duck out of spending 4 days with my mother in the freezing arse of no where".

    I hope the ticket gets used :)

  7. TIOI for short? I do like a good acronym. As an aside Ms Fancy where does one get such good pics to illustrate ones blog? Most impressed over here doncha know.

  8. Forgive me for stating the obvious Fancy, but why on God's green earth are you only taking one week off? Really, you need to move to Italy where working and non working mothers always take at least three weeks off during the summer because "children need to go to the beach, it's good for their health". This way H could join you for a few days at least and maybe even manage to make it over twice. How can we expect him to make it out if you're only giving him a week's worth of wiggle room? And, might I add, how on earth are YOU to rest if you only have a week off with the minis?
    So, please take note: vacations last at least three weeks, possibly twice per summer. (Oh, and I'm shaking my head in disappointment at FT for not pointing this out to you, the man's supposed to have your best interest at heart!)

  9. A WEEK !!! Fancy please. The 'staycation' is the way forward and then you are free from the whole booking a flight nonsense.I read it on The Guardian website next to the Ottolenghi lentil recipe....Bonne chance xx

  10. I'm almost feeling a bit sad for you Fancy......

  11. Bless him....... However, as your new PA I'll be able to 'fully load' that seat, thus ensuring no waste of pennies. Smiles evilly.... ... seriously looking forward to a break from the chicken poo

  12. My husband feels left out when I take my daughter for afternoon tea so I totally get what you are saying here. It annoys me to waste money but for "the illusion" it's probably worth it. Probably.

    And I also miss the days of traveling at the drop of a hat. Kids...they ruin everything.

  13. ha ha. I hope H gets to enjoy the family holidayso that the illusion of intamacy isn't shattered.

  14. "He’s sold his soul to the devil and the price is that he’s not available"

    Your FT is hilarious. Poor H. It's sweet...

    Hope you have a fabulous holiday!


  15. You know, if H doesn't want his ticket I can probably make myself available for a week's Fancy holiday. It would be tough, but someone's got to do it...

  16. sold to the devil!!! I was just telling my mom that... I think the guy on the bachelorette... did that.

  17. seriously my favorite thing about your blog is that your therapist is the other main character. I always get attached to therapists, they are the other half of my brain